


“stop me before i can’t go back,”

by zacefronspants



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Choking, M/M, Rimming, This is something, briefly, hardcore pining, keith’s real bad at feelings, lance understands
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-06
Updated: 2018-10-06
Packaged: 2019-07-25 20:34:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16205165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zacefronspants/pseuds/zacefronspants
Summary: keith is soft for lance and that scares him





	“stop me before i can’t go back,”

**Author's Note:**

> songs i used:  
> tear in my heart - twenty-one pilots  
> friends - ed sheeran  
> i don’t wanna love somebody else - a great big  
> dearly departed- mariana’s trench  
> andante, andante - abba

**i. _you fell asleep in my car, i drove the whole time but that’s okay i’ll just avoid the holes so you sleep fine_**

Keith is eighteen and fighting the urge to look at Lance’s mouth whenever he’s talking and tries to remind himself that friends don’t look at the others lips and wonder if they taste as soft as they look. Keith tries, oh how he tries, to stop himself from liking Lance, and opts for asking Mary, a girl from their homeroom with a high ponytail with a lilac ribbon tied around her hair elastic, if he can take her as his date to whatever school thing was happening. Keith ends up with her on her knees behind the bleachers and choking on his cock and Keith tries desperately to pretend he’s not thinking about Lance. And he feels so fucking stupid and laughs it off as an accident and pretends that following Monday that Mary doesn’t exist. He desperately tries to forget how badly he wanted it to be Lance asking him to fuck his throat and pull his hair.

Lance’s sitting in the front seat of his car, sketching furiously and trying to keep his eyes open and it makes Keith smile softly to himself. Lance has his bottom lip between his teeth and his hair is in a messy heap on his forehead when Keith leans over and says, “You can sleep, s’okay, I don’ mind.”  Lance looks at him and Keith can feel himself starting to try and learn every inch of his face he can. Keith rests his hand on the gear shift and smiles again, all teeth and he relishes in the soft blush painting Lance’s cheeks when he finally closes the sketchbook and nods.

Keith looks back out the windshield and counts all the stars he can and thinks of how they remind him of Lance and his soft hands, gentle laugh and it nearly makes him swerve off the road when he realizes how in love with Lance fucking McClain he is. Keith would paint the stars and bring the moon down for Lance if he asked him to, he thinks (he fucking knows he would because Lance sets his skin on fire and makes stars shine in his cheeks).

**ii.** **_i know there’s a limit to everything, but my friends won’t love me like you_ **

They share beds and secret kisses when the lights are off and the moon is the only light they’ve got until morning. Keith licks and sucks on Lance’s neck and fucks his tongue into his mouth, tasting and tracing every inch of his mouth he can reach. Keith seeks Lance’s hand out beneath tables and under blankets during movie nights, lets their fingers interlock and his thumb rub circles on Lance’s knuckles and tries to ignore the falling comets in his chest when Lance presses his lips against the back of their joined hands when no one's looking. Keith lets himself relax and start to return the casual touches; lets his fingers brush away the flecks of paint on Lance’s cheeks, pulls Lance more securely against him when Hunk suggests they marathon watch some weird show.

They fuck sometimes, too. Keith will take Lance apart until he’s crying and drooling all over himself with gargled cries of, “Fuck me, please, I've been so good,” and Keith will; he fucks into him so slowly and shallowly Lance shakes himself apart and comes all over himself before Keith’s even sunk in all the way. Keith will fuck Lance against the walls of the library when Lance mouths off at him enough and he’ll shove his fingers into Lance’s mouth to quiet the desperate cries. Sometimes Keith will wrap his hand around Lance’s neck and say, “Say one more thing and I’ll choke you quiet,” and it makes Lance shiver and taunt him and Keith will squeeze gently until Lance is sobbing and begging for him to fuck him harder. Keith fucks Lance soft, too. Fucks him gently with soft praises when Lance says he’s had a bad day and wants to go slowly. Keith will use his tongue and fucks Lance open and gaping whispering, “So pretty button, so gorgeous like this,” and slide his fingers along side his tongue until Lance begs him to stop and fuck him.

Keith thinks one night, when Lance has their ankles interlocked and his head is in the crook of Keith’s neck, that this is what home is supposed to feel like. This is what people mean when they say that the sky is a softer blue and the galaxies growing inside their bones are made of. Keith looks at Lance, and watches his eyelashes flutter on his cheeks and thinks softly that this is home (and it fucking scares him to the core).

**iii.** **_we buried it alive and now it’s screaming in my head_ **

Keith nearly fucking cries when he tells Lance that he doesn’t wanna do whatever it is (he does, he’s just scared) they’re doing anymore. Keith says it’s because he thinks he might like someone and that it’s not fair to them if they keep doing this. Tries desperately not to see the way Lance’s face crumpled and that every time he blinks he’s screaming for Keith to stop talking, but he barrels on about how this isn’t okay anymore and it was fun for a minute, keeps pouring out a million and three excuses. Keith sees it coming, the resounding crunch of his nose when Lance finally punches him and mumbles at him that he’s a fucking idiot and walks off. Keith cries then; cries ugly and loud over what he’s just done, over Lance and how he fucked up, cries until he can call Shiro and beg him to come get him and take him home.

Keith clams up and distances himself from everyone, pretends he and Lance weren’t friends or whatever it was he thought they were. Keith ignores Pidge’s invites to movie and bowling night, ignores the concerned and angry glances Hunk sends him when they’re in class or see each other in the halls. Keith shuts down so fucking bad that he can’t tell if he’s actually sleeping or just blinking and his alarm is going off. Keith’s not actually eaten anything that isn’t instant ramen and pop tarts since Lance punched his nose.

Keith, when it’s late and his eyes are burning from exhaustion, will look at what he’s dubbed Lance’s side and wonder if it still smells like cotton candy and vanilla or if it’s evaporated into sweat and oil. He’ll look at his hands and try so hard to see if the stars died when he told Lance he was done doing whatever the fuck they were doing or if they’re dormant and waiting. Keith will toss and turn and type out a million and five messages to Lance saying he’s sorry and they he loves him more than he loves himself most of the time before he deletes them all and throws his phone on the bed somewhere. Keith will wonder when he became so fucking dependent on Lance and why he was stupid enough to let Lance slip through his fingers a lot of the time now.

**iv.** **_i don’t know how to mend it, when this chapter ended_ **

Keith’s apologizing to (trying too but Lance got a new game and Keith hasn’t been able to say anything, yet) Lance, not in as many words, but he’s pleading, “I’m so sorry,” over and over with every single blink of his soft grey eyes and it’s making his skin feel thick. But Lance keeps smiling at him and talking, vomiting all his words out of his mouth until Keith thinks he can taste stomach acid on his tongue. Lance licks his lips Keith’s watching pink move on pink and he starts to wonder what his mouth tastes like; cherry sundaes or chlorine, maybe grease and cotton candy **.**

Keith’s still looking at Lance, but his eyes are somewhere else as he chews on his lips absent minded until they’re puffy and cherry red. Lance opens his mouth to talk, but Keith beats him to it, rushing out, “I’m so fucking sorry," he's looking at Keith, and Keith gushes on, “I never wanted to stop, I miss you. All the time. I’m not good with _this,_ but I’d do anything for you, I think."

(He absolutely would.)

Lance blinks at him and blinks and blinks and blinks until Keith hears in the back of his head, Lance, half asleep “I think you’re too soft for me. It’s nice.” And he’s looking at Keith so earnestly that he wants to touch his cheek and tell him again, a thousand and one times he’s so fucking sorry, but Lance just smiles and kisses him soft. Kisses him and presses their foreheads together and calls him a fucking dumbass and Keith can feel his cheeks burning. But it’s _good._

**_v. andante, andante go slowly with me now_ **

They go slow, go on real dates and get a feeling for each other again. Learn the small things they overlooked before, relearn the each other in every way they can. Keith sometimes kisses Lance likes he’s afraid he’ll disappear into nothing and sometimes Lance kisses Keith like he’s afraid Keith’s gonna tell him to fuck off (he couldn’t, not again).

The first time they have sex again, it’s not slow and there’s no candles; Keith fucks into Lance and grips his hips so tight he knows Lance is going to have bruises there. They don’t touch and memorize like Keith had wanted; Keith fucks Lance against the wall and bites and licks and whispers filthy words into his ear, makes Lance cry and beg for him to go harder, kiss him deeper. He fucks Lance like he’s never going to see him again, like when they’re done he’s going to wake up in a cold sweat and Lance won’t be there. Keith presses dirty, open mouthed kisses against every inch of Lance he can and licks his way up to his mouth and fucks his tongue into Lance’s mouth, trying to taste all of him.

Later, when they’re in the bathtub and Lance has himself situated so he’s facing Keith, does he let slip, “I love you,” and Keith nearly cries because Lance looks shocked for a  few moments before he grins and kisses his nose whispering it back.

(Keith thinks he’s always had a home in Lance.)

**Author's Note:**

> this is something i don’t know what, feel free to shout at me on tumblr @togxpi


End file.
